Do you ever feel drained after someone has given you a lecture? Or do you feel like your heart is slightly breaking each time someone yells at you?
Or maybe you attract people that try to manipulate or agress you and you only come up with the right reply AFTER the person has left the room…?
All of this above (and many more symptoms) are signs that you are not properly centred in you or not assertive enough…
Try practising self-centredness and assertiveness on a daily basis. See it as a muscle that is now still weak, but that you will strengthen each day through practice.
Here are some exercices for self-centredness:
- Get in touch with your body and feelings again! And then LISTEN to the signs you body is giving you!
- When you are being aggressed and you are not centred your body will automatically fall slightly backwards or away from the person or situation. Try to become aware of that. When you are centred your body remains straight and feet stay in place no matter what is happening.
- Strengthen your centre by visualising that you have deep roots going into the ground. They steady you like the roots of the tree do.
- Breathe deeply and slowly (from the belly upwards, not just in the chest)
- Picture yourself being connected with a plug from your sacrum into the ground and a plug from the top of your head into the skies.
- Visualize an invisible bubble all around you and fill it with love and light. As if having superpowers, once your bubble is in place, no one can enter this bubble, unless YOU give the authorisation
- You can wear stones such as black tourmaline, labradorite, tiger’s eye or turquoise for protection or to shield off negativity. Or aragonite or most of the brown, black or red stones to help you ground better
- Try not to judge the aggressive person or attacker: these people only do this because they have a heavy history and it’s the only way they know to attract attention and to feel better about themselves. It is better to pity them and send them unconditional love than to hate them. Standing in front of them centred and full of love is destabilising to them and they will feel lost (because they can’t seem to reach you or hurt you)
Some exercices to strengthen the assertiveness muscle:
- Practice saying NO. Now and then, when someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do, just say NO without searching for excuses. Without justifying yourself. Just an affirmative, self-confident NO. Start with small things and when you get better at it, practice with other situations.
- Feel inside yourself if a situation / request / demand feels right to you or not. If your body starts twitching or if your stomach contracts, your gut makes sounds, your head becomes heavy, your get cold or hot, … Your body is telling you no, so respect that.
- If you already said yes, but thought no, then correct it. Go back to the person, apologise and explain that you said yes too quickly.
- Take responsibility for your actions. Don’t blame others! Everything happens for a reason and it is our perception and our thoughts on the situation that cause trouble. So instead of criticising yourself or others about a situation, do something about it that will make you feel better
- Communicate in “I”
If this is hard for you, then don’t worry! You are not alone! We all deal with a lack of assertiveness or self-centredness regularly. But being aware and trying to do something about it, is a huge step forward!
If you need extra help, then contact me! Through my website: http://www.satsanga.be you can ask for a free coaching session.
Good luck with the exercices,