This evening, I feel sad and depressed. You all know me as a positive person, full of energy, but this evening the energy has drained from me.
I feel it’s important that I share this with you, because no matter how hard you work on yourself and on your health, there is no such thing as constant happiness. People that tell you you should feel happy all the time don’t know what they are talking about.
We humans have emotions and sometimes it’s a rollercoaster and it’s ok. You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to apologise for it, you don’t need to feel guilt! We all have our ups and downs and it’s important to also express our downs.
Because most people only blog about their good days, or post the most wonderful pictures of a perfect life on Instagram and Facebook, but that is not reality. And to some insecure people, these images might trigger even more insecurity. Because they think: “why can’t I have a life like that?”. My answer is: you can! But don’t take everything literally. Take the example of travel bloggers: they write very interesting articles about their travels and show us beautiful pictures, but it’s not always fun. A lot of travel bloggers encounter difficult situations or struggle for a visa and get stuck somewhere, or they become ill, etc.
So it’s not because you only see the good side, that it’s all good. It’s just that we tend to occult the dark side. Yet the dark moments are equally important to our self-development! By acknowledging your dark sides, you shed light onto them. You analyse them and accept them. And only when you accept yourself fully (dark sides and ALL) then only are you fully authentic and complete.
But back to why I am feeling sad this evening:
I had a very good day, gave an in-company training about how to think win-win, create an abundance mentality and how to listen with empathy. It was really good and the participants were genuinely interested and were actively involved, so it was a great experience.
After that I gave a course on communication techniques, which was also good. And then I had to head to the ice rink, where my father would drop off the boys for their weekly practice. I was waiting for them in the sun outside when my father arrived like crazy, almost slipping the car. I had to head home because there had been a catastrophe.
Someone had let the chickens out in the garden (to run free) this morning and nobody had warned the boys about it. So when they came home from school, they let out the dogs as they usually do, because the dogs had been inside since early morning, so they were really desperate to get outside.
But unfortunately nobody had noticed the chickens still running free in the garden. So first things my Golden Retriever did, was jump onto the chickens and bite them really hard. Feathers were flying all over the place! My son was screaming and crying at the same time while trying to get a chicken out of the mouth of our dog. Meanwhile the other dog (Jack Russell) also had some fun with some chickens. It was utter chaos and a blood massacre.
At the ice rink, my oldest son fell into my arms crying, feeling so bad about himself and guilty. My father nearly puked in the car just by thinking about the blood massacre. So I headed home full speed to find out for myself what was left of my adorable little chickens. One was already dead. 3 were severely wounded, I treated them, but I don’t know if the wounds will heal without stitching. The rest of them are traumatised and in choc.
I gave them an energetic healing, but it drained me completely. I felt sad and took all my last strength to heal them. I hope they will all survive because I really have a bond with them.
And I’m now puzzled, I don’t get it! Why did this have to happen? What lessons do I need to learn here? 2 years and a half ago we became vegetarians. It all started with me having to patch up one of my chickens (again because of my dog) and I felt disgusted at seeing the chicken flesh and the idea that we eat that constantly without even considering the fact that the meat used to be a lovely chicken with a life and emotions too! So first I got disgusted by chicken meat and then we started realising that the meat and dairy industry are ruining our planet, that we have to act now, change our habits, stop over consuming. And then we also discovered the many health benefits of skipping the meat.
But now I’m struggling with nature itself. I understand that the predators on our planet survive on meat! But a cheetah will only hunt and kill when it’s hungry. And it will not kill another animal before the previous one is completely consumed. It will not over consume like we do. It will not waste. (Or am I just being naive here?) So in that sense, it’s ok for the cheetah to kill a gazelle once a week. Moreover because there are also more gazelles than there are cheetahs. While we humans have created a world in which we want as much live stock as there are humans and we want to eat them all (so to speak).
But I do understand nature. What I don’t understand is my dog. He gets food every day, he is not hungry and he doesn’t kill the chickens to eat them. He kills to kill. The Jack seems to do it for the play. He sees something moving and wants to play with it, but the Golden strikes to kill. He is a Golden Retriever: they retrieve, they are not supposed to kill. Right? The fact that he just attacks them jut like that, even though it is instinctive, bothers me. And in that moment, he’s in a frenzy, so he won’t listen, he can’t hear you and even if you get really mad, he won’t let go of his prey. Today was the summun, I have a very hard time forgiving him! Even though for him the moment has passed and he’s not all aware anymore of what happened. So I can’t stay mad at him, because he wouldn’t understand why I am mad. But my heart is broken and I find it really hard to forgive him completely. And yet, he’s the family dog, he too is part of the family now. But something doesn’t feel right.
So if anyone has any advice they want to share, or if you had similar experiences, please let me know. Because for the moment, it is a bit foggy in my head and I’m struggling to see what this event means to me. Some lessons are harsh, but this today… A bit too harsh if you ask me. So universe, please send more gentle signs my way, thank you!